Habits & Contradictions

It was a shitty year. the end.

Lets move on to the next one……

1) At Least I’m Not As Sad(As I Used to Be)- fun.

2) Love You Much Better - The Hush Sound

3) The Thoughts That Give Me The Creeps- Hellogoodbye

4) Swing Tree - Discovery

5) Simple Life- My Favorite Highway

6) Dance Anthem of the 80s - Regina Spektor

7) Folkin’ Around- Panic at the Disco

8) Q&A-Cartel

9)We Could Love- Goot

10) You Don’t Know Me - Ben Folds ft. Regina Spektor

11) Say So(acoustic) - My Favorite Highway

12) Don’t Wake Me Up - The Hush Sound ft. Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy

13) Food Chain - Eric Hutchinson

14) Be Calm - fun.

15) Walcott - Vampire Weekend

16) Impatience - We Are Scientists

17) The Chase- My Favorite Highway

18) Six(Interlude) - The Hush Sound

19) Man Of A Thousand Faces - Regina Spektor

20) I H ave Friends in Holy Spaces - Panic at the Disco

21) Bitches Aint Shit(Dr. Dre Cover) - Ben Folds

22) We Will Become Silhouettes - The Postal Service

23) What’s This? - Fall Out Boy

24) Momentum - The Hush Sound

* um, this genius playlist is deficient. the end. reallly.

You are the exact reason why I will stay in New York for college.(That is, if I get into motherfricking Sarah Lawerence College).

There are so many things i would loveee to say to you and about you. I’m trying to explain how fucking awesome you are. But, i cant fit that into words.

It’s one of those things in which im glad i have you as a bestfriend.

i love you. infinitially.

So, Im glad you’re my bestfriend. I’m glad i can come to you and I know you will be there. You are a true friend and i cant ask for anything else. So, i have to stay here in NY for you. <3. I still cant believe you could put up with my bullshit and still be my bestfriend.

sigh. ugh, I’m tearing up. But, yea. That’s it. lol.

*P.S-this psot is gramatically incorrect. I’ll edit it later. Writing this from the iTouch, you know? =)

thingsweptunderthenewcarpet:

There are many things that I want to sweep under the carpet. There are also things that are already swept under there and will never resurface(unless mentioned).

But, I can’t always sweep things under the rug and walk away. Because, eventually, the carpet willl start to bulge, with all of this shit under it. && then, you will have to notice it and do something about it. You’ll have to remove the carpet and face all of these dustmites and dust bunnies and clouds of dust. You’ll choke. Being surrounded by the old things left behind because you purposely abandoned it, will surely suffocate you .

&& you’ll want to cough and not go back under there. You’ll want to fix that carpet again and leave your shit behind.

But, you can’t.

That shit bulges. && people are going to walk near it and trip and fucking blame you for the world’s problems.

And, that person’s issue with you and the carpet, will be another thing you’ll push under there.

&& the fucking cycle repeats itself.

Moral of the story: the pile of shit in your life, will catch up to you, eventually. In the worst way. Ignoring shit and putting it in the back of your mind and sweeping it under the carpet is horrible.

Because, that shit will reappear when the time is wrong && it’s going to be bad.

I Missed you! Why did you go down when the peak of my insomnia happens?

Smfhh. I needed you to put me to sleep. Grrr.

Anywayss, last post of the year will deff happen on December 31st. You already know the deal….. =]

Let’s just have a ounce of hope inside of us, hoping that everything might go back to the way it use to be.

Just a little ounce.

Not enough to hurt me when I realize that it will never go back to the way things were .

As I Close my eyes shut, in hopes of withholding my tears from falling, I’ve come to multiple conclusions. Conclusions, which I have failed to acknowledge until this sleepover. In one instance, I want to hate my friend for practically forcing me to come. In another, I’m glad I came.

They wouldn’t know a thing unless I tell them. None of them would know. They don’t even know that I’ve cried 3 times today. There are some things that will be left unnoticied, unless they pay closer attention and take notice. && I don’t think that will exactly happen.

I wake up from a 5 minute impromptu nap and the girls I love dearly are speaking of college programs in the summer. They were planning these things together. && I just sat there & watched. There isn’t much I Couldve done. One of them have made it fairly clear that they don’t have any intentions of being friends with me ever again. So, of course she wouldn’t include me.

But, damn, reality sucks.

&& if kept asking myself , where did I go wrong? Maybe I just wasn’t good enough.

*insert biting of lip to hold in broken sobs *

I’m incapable of handling this. I’m so bad at this acting gig.

Things just won’t be the same. Not now. Not ever. Rachelle couldn’t even refill that place of THE best friend because that spot was fulfilled for 6 years. Until I fucked up. Yes, rachelle is my bestfriend, but it’s a complicated situation that I can’t explain as of why she cant do it.

So, now, I have no one I feel as comfortable with to speak to. My friends are there for multiple reasons. One of those reason are gone now.

&& with that, I have accepted it and now, I have to try to move on. Which probably won’t happen for a while….

But okay.

I know I went to sleep. I know I did. But I just feel like I haven’t . Ugh. I need my sleep back.

“excuse me, miss”

“yes?”

“hi…..do you know where I can find a new brain and a new heart?”

“…..um, what? did I just hear right? where you can find a new heart and a new brain?”

” yes. I want to know where I can find these things.”

“dude, if you don’t mind me asking…what’s wrong with your current brain and heart?”

“ahhh, well, they are being a nuisance. My heart isn’t capable of love nor is it accepting it. && my brain isn’t working with my self-conscience to help me make rational, healthy decisions regarding life, love, friendships, everything. So, I need to find some good replacements. Are you willing to donate?”

“NO! I actually like my heart and brain, thank you.”

“why? Ohhh, is your heart capable of loving and trusting? Is your brain able to make rational decisions for you?”

“…no. I’ve fucked up multiple times because of that. I’m scared. This is why I run to unhealthy things in my life.”

“oh hun, we’ll figure this out together. Let’s go look for a heart and a brain that will help us.”

“okay.”

4:40am-December 28th.

So, I’m at my friend’s house with people that I want to recurve pity from. It’s exactly the same, in a way. I do feel detached from everyone. Cp doesn’t mind. Alyssa is doing the same thing I was doing(am still doing), which is ignoring the situation. && the other one? Well, a few hi’s && offerings of gum and starbursts is all that would probably get. And im not asking for anything .

It just sucks.

Back to ignorance?

you tell me I can’t drink beer or wine coolers ever. I’m not supposed to drink because I’m a minor, yadda yadda yadda…..

so, why did you deff put Shandy(an alcoholic beverage…*gasp*) in my fruit smoothie? && i can deff taste it strongly.

fail!

myhelterskelter:

smarvelous:

happyadolescent:

skeweredjellyfish:nomoresorrow:mynamesamy:dudewheresmycar:(via georgecookies)

well, if you look up my name, Giselle, on urban dictionary, the first 2 definitions make absolutley no fucking sense. && is a bunch of bullshit. so, we’ll ignore it. but, the other definitions make much more sense.

Giselle :

• A girl who is super cool but often misjudged.

• Stands for: A Great, Innocent, Smart and Extremely Loving Lady Einstein.

• Giselle’s are often easy to talk to and approachable. They love art and horses and great music. They’re pretty and smart and taller than most guys. :D (which is deff true, because i’m wayy taller than the national average for women && guys are getting shorter and shorter these days.)

• A ballet by Adolph Adam.(this is true also. Ive seeen it multiple times at the Metropolitan Opera House in Manhatten-due to my madre’s awesomeeee hookups!)

ebirmingham:

Payed for someone who said they would pay you back but never did.

Stayed up all night thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen to later find out that you worried for nothing.

Done something illegal.

Did something you said you would never do.

Lied about where you were.

Discovered a new musician.

Made something for a friend.

Got a new phone.

Got a new iPod/Zune/Mp3 player.

Watched three or more episodes of Saturday Night Live.

Made fun of someone.

Created a tumblr.

Flew on a plane for the first time.

Spoke in front of 15 people or more.

Met someone in real life that you originally met online.

Did your siblings chores for money.

Have a new found appreciation for someone you never expected to.

Hurt somebody you didn’t mean to hurt.

Hugged your mom or dad.

Baked a cake.

Made a new friend.

Lost an old friend. (sort of)

Changed your views on society.

Laughed at something that wasn’t funny.

Got upset over something that wasn’t a big deal.

Had a horrible birthday.

Got a facebook.

Deleted your myspace.(i will soon!)

Cried because you missed old times.

Cleaned your room.

Told someone you love them.

Told someone you hate them.

Received a gift.

Gave a gift.

Read a book that wasn’t for school.

Ate a lollipop.

Threw away something by accident.

Screwed something up but didn’t mean to.

Smoked a cigarette.

Ran a mile.

Switched schools.

Aced a test.

Wished you were in the past.

Got scared about the future.

Got yelled at by your parents.

Lost a family member.

Saw an old friend.

Went to church/synagogue.

Hugged a stuffed animal.

Said you’re going to make next year better.

When do you know that things have fallen apart? When do you realize what went wrong?

&& when do you earn the courage to fix it all?

Aren’t we cute?

xxifellforyouxx9:

should i feel stupid that i don’t know who the heck she is?

craap.

she was the girl in 8mile && Uptown Girls

(via blogsecret)

Damn

beesoleme:

That can stay out past 10 pm. Other than the usual people I stay out with past 10.

me too. “/

The end?

I wrote something sooo meaningful to me a few days ago. && it was meant for you. But, my tumblr app deleted it. how? I don’t know. It said it was going in my drafts, but it isnt there.

&& frankly, I don’t have the heart to rewrite it. I don’t have any more tears to shed about it. I don’t have the strength to think or talk about it.

When you took the last thing away from me, i knew it was the beginning of the end.

Have you thought about it? Probably not. You probably don’t even know what i’m talking about. && we shall leave it at that.

-Giselle.

P.S- yes, it is. && winter break, I hate to disappoint

It’s snowing, yeah, but it’s not going to stick. Get the fuck over it.

picassochic:

she’s really great :)

awww hun. =). Thank you……

Is that normal?

picassochic:

(via gisseybx3)

I DO <3

really? awww. thanks. lol.