In the middle of french class yesterday, I texted my friend who attends college in Colorado. I missed her and I was in the mood to talk to someone new. Little did I know that I’ll be having a huge heart to heart and revelation session while trying to learn how to say “we drink beer and wine for Jack’s surprise birthday party” in French. She updated me on her relationship status as of late and why she wasn’t with the girl we are both friends with. So, she started to tell me and I said:

Me: well, people blow. Love doesn’t exist. People use that term too loosely.

Immediately, she agrees and then asks why did I respond so passionately. So, I told her what’s been on my mind for a while. I just let it out and I never felt so much better. My friend didn’t know about my complicated love life because we weren’t even that close until our college winter break. So, I spilled my heart out and she listened (and I got in trouble with my french teacher). But, it was refreshing. She listened and put her input when it was needed. Finally, when I ended the conversation, she told me one thing:

Her: Break the cycle or you’ll keep falling back into the same old routine.

Because, I’ve been falling into the same routine for a really long time. I’m put into a position where I’m falling and then I fall…but there’s no one there to catch me. Shrug. I don’t even care anymore. I’ve realized that it had to happen because then you realize that you need to be stronger for yourself. I need to break a cycle I keep putting myself in or who knows where i’ll be. I’m better than that. I’m better than this. I just need more people to tell me this. 

So, I need to get my life together and start over. Again. This cycle is over with.